Why romantic relationships never seem to work.
When one first learns to be clear and to engage one’s evolution, any of us can be stopped suddenly, by an addiction to another person. We have always wondered what causes the bliss and euphoria of love to end and suddenly turn into conflict and power struggles. It is a result of the flow of energy between the individuals involved. When love first happens, the two individuals are giving each other energy unconsciously and both people feel buoyant and elated. That’s the incredible high we all call being “in love.” Unfortunately, once we expect this feeling to come from the other person, we cut ourselves off from the energy in the universe and begin to rely even more on the energy from each other.
Shortly after the romantic high, there will not be enough energy between the two and so they stop giving each other energy. Romantic couples will soon fall back into their dramas in an attempt to control each other and force the other’s energy their way. At this point the relationship degenerates into the usual power struggle.
The problem starts in our early family. Because of the energy competition there, none of us were able to complete an important psychological process. We couldn’t integrate our opposite sexual side. Because of poor parenting, most young males are unable to integrate their female side and vice versa for most females. The reason we can become addicted to someone of the opposite sex is that we’ve yet to access this opposite sex energy ourselves. We are yet to tap into the mystical energy that is both male and female. We can all eventually open up to it, but when we first begin to evolve, we have to be careful. The integration process takes some time. If we connect prematurely with a human source for our female or male energy, we block the universal supply.
Most parents compete with their children for energy, and that has affected many. Because this competition was taking place, none of us have quite resolved this opposite-sex issue. We’re all stuck at the stage where we are still looking for our opposite-sex energy outside of ourselves, in the person of a male or female we can think of as ideal and magical and can possess sexually. In terms of our ability to evolve consciously, we are faced with a critical situation. When we first begin to evolve, we automatically begin to receive our opposite-sex energy. It comes in naturally from the energy in the universe. But we must be careful, because if another person comes along who offers this energy directly, we can cut ourselves off from the true source… and regress.
Until we learn how to avoid this situation, we are walking around like a circle half complete. We are very susceptible to a person of the opposite sex, some other circle half complete, coming up and joining with us—completing the circle that way—and giving us a burst of euphoria and energy that feels like the wholeness that a full connection with the universe produces. In reality, we have only joined up with another person who is looking for their other half on the outside too.
This is a classical co-dependent relationship that is built-in problems that begin to arise immediately. This kind of illusion of completeness always breaks down into a power struggle. In the end, each person must take the other for granted and even invalidate them so that they can lead this whole self in the direction they want to go. But of course, that will never work.
Romance is still possible. But we must complete the circle on our own. We must stabilize our channel with the universe. That takes time, but afterward, we will never be susceptible to this problem again and we can have a higher-relationship. When we connect romantically with another whole person after that, we create a super-person…but it never pulls us from the path of our individual evolution. By resisting the love at first sight feeling for a while, by learning to have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. We must have these relationships only with people who will reveal themselves totally, telling how and why they are doing what they are doing—just as this would have happened with the opposite-sexed parent during an ideal childhood. By understanding who these opposite-sexed friends really are on the inside, one breaks past one’s own fantasy projection about that gender, and that releases us to connect again with the universe.
