The good majority of white women act as if they don’t know the power of their tears for the last 400 years in America. It was powerful enough to earn the current president of the United States a felony in comparison to black women who testified to sex trafficking at the Diddy trial. In 2023, there was the central park jogger case that got five innocent teenagers brutal rape charges. It held strong as the Scottsboro Boys-nine young Black men falsely accused of rape were sentenced to death in 1931. It is unknown the number of blacks killed in the Tulsa massacre of 1921 after an article release titled ” Nab the Negro for Attacking a White Girl in an Elevator.”
Just this year, I sat helplessly in a Bexar County court room as a Hispanic man justified killing my son for messing with his white passing daughter. If tears can burn down cities, lynch innocent people with not even a call for correction, an iota of accountability, then it goes to acknowledge the power of the white woman.
White women have been part of white supremacy in America since the very beginning, experts point out, dating back to their role in slavery. “They were at the table when the system was designed,” Stephanie Jones-Rogers, a history professor at UC Berkeley and author of the book They Were Her Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South, “They were co-architects of the system.”
That remained true after the Civil War, through the birth and evolution of the Ku Klux Klan, and during the civil rights movement when white women were some of the most vocal opponents of school integration. And it remains true today, when women hold a key role in spreading QAnon ideology and sustaining white nationalist groups and movements. “Like other parts of our economy and society, these movements would collapse without their labor,” Seyward Darby, author of Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism.
Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing
What Is Spiritual Bypassing?
First, let’s delve into the essence of spiritual bypassing.
Spiritual bypassing is like slapping a band-aid on a deep wound. It’s the art of sidestepping the raw, messy, and uncomfortable parts of our human experience in favor of a more superficial, blissful spiritual facade.
Imagine for a moment, a woman who’s been through unspeakable trauma.
Rather than confronting that pain, she tries to stay focused on “positive vibes.”
She finds ample spiritual teachings that reinforce the notion “just think good thoughts.” She internalizes spiritual jargon to justify avoiding her emotional wounds, believing that she’s rising above it all.
But, in reality, she’s merely created a comforting illusion in an attempt to ignore the festering wounds beneath. Wounds which over time show up in various ways—from relationship difficulties to health problems.
Spiritual bypassing can take many forms. Such as toxic positivity and unfounded optimism. Avoiding and repressing true emotions. Disparaging or dismissing human needs. Denying racism in favor of oneness. Masking insecurities through illusions of spiritual superiority.
It’s like painting over a cracked wall without repairing the foundation. It may seem fine on the surface, but underneath, the problems persist, growing more complex and challenging to address.
In essence, spiritual bypassing disconnects us from our genuine selves and the healing we so desperately need.
So, you can only imagine what it must feel like for a black woman who deals with daily bouts of micro and macro aggressions to commune with the entitled white woman.
In the last two decades, I have attended a number of spiritual circles, including meditation groups, holistic therapist groups, Ivy league advanced education programs, shamanic drumming groups, channeling groups worth thousands, Guru leader talks, scientific conferences and the list goes on and on (all dominated by white women). One thing I found most prevalent was is the slew of liberal white women and their toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing.
They always made it a point to tell me that they don’t see color, how they have a black/brown friend here and there. They generally lead these groups but never thought to explore the fact that they are operating in a type of privilege that is demonic in its essence. Not a single one of these groups considered what it felt like to get healing tips from the very people who symbolize oppression or considered how to make their group equitable and inclusive. No, as a matter of fact, they found educated dark skinned people a threat and their emo were to gossip, malign and downright gaslight. One even expelled a black man for questioning them. Oh! did i mention that they are spiritual and highly educated healing groups.
The Perils of Entitlement
In today’s sociopolitical landscape, certain demographics wield influence in ways that can be both empowering and destructive. Among them, the white liberal spiritual woman often occupies a complex position: a vocal advocate for change, yet one whose self-righteousness, entitlement, and disregard for differing perspectives can have deeply divisive consequences.
The white woman has an extreme fear of not being seen in a good light. They have to be perfect at all costs. As the new age spirituality evolved, it became one of the most inauthentic environments as these dominant women could not fathom the most minute sign of truth-telling. They glorified the submissive role of women—to stay soft, nurturing, gentle, loving…This discourages women from acknowledging and confronting the very real and deeply ingrained sexism and gender-based violence in our society.
This is true of racial injustice as well. Perhaps you’ve considered how “I don’t see color” and focusing on “white light” in spiritual communities could unintentionally perpetuate inherent racism?
The idea behind these statements is to promote colorblindness or unity, but in reality, they ignore the unique experiences and challenges faced by people of color. By dismissing racial differences, we’re ignoring the systemic racism deeply ingrained in our times.
Similarly, not acknowledging the gender-specific challenges women face might seem like promoting equality. However, since this perspective overlooks the ongoing power differentials between women and men, it denies the pervasive impact of patriarchy. (Of course, for women of color this is even more complex, with the impacts of sexism compounding those of racism.)
By refusing to acknowledge gender disparities, it becomes challenging to recognize and address how the roots of our own experiences are impacted by gender oppression.
Forgive Me—I was wrong
It later became apparent to me the depth of a shadow that blinds humanity from a true connection with source. Racism to me is the biggest barrier. The root of all hate, out of which all evils have branched out. Whether you follow Jesus, Prophet Muhammad or the Buddha, you will see that their message was the same, stand up to authority, insist on equality and demand your right to freedom.
I honestly thought in my naivety, that Spirituality would break barriers, I thought education would end the divide, but I was completely wrong. Through those years, it became apparent to me that the new age spiritual circles were just as racist and segregated as the churches on Sunday and shunning as the Mosque on Friday.
Be safe and stay aware!
Khadijat Quadri, LCMHC, CHt
